Steven Seagal

When my friend first tried to make the case to me that Steven Seagal was awesome, I'm not gonna lie, I kind of laughed. I knew he started a reality television show called Steven Seagal's Lawman, but I had no desire to tune in and haven't watched any new movies of his in years. I thought there was a reason for it; he was washed up, and probably not that good in the first place. She demanded I watch it, and told me if I did, I would see the awesomeness Seagal possessed. Again, I didn't take her seriously. Then I thought about it....wasn't Steven Seagal your third favorite action hero back in the day? (Side Note: No one will ever top Schwarzenegger and Stallone in first and second place respectively.) Didn't you love his movies? Remember when you and your brother used to watch Hard To Kill and Under Siege religiously? So, I decided to tune in to find out if my mind was playing tricks on me, and needless to say it wasn't. As soon as I saw him in action again, it all came back to me and hit me like a ton of bricks; Steven Seagal is mad awesome, he knows it, and you should know better to ever doubt him again.

I think the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions Steven Seagal is his ponytail. Coincidentally, the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions a ponytail is Steven Seagal. Seriously, have you ever in your life seen anyone who rocks the ponytail better than Seagal does? I'll give you Johnny Depp, but besides that no one comes remotely close. What makes this accomplishment mad awesome is that besides a mullet, a ponytail is probably one of the worst haircuts any guy could sport. However, I think we can all agree that Seagal's ponytail is the equivalent of Bret Hart's pink sunglasses. Both are iconic, legendary trademarks of these heroes, and both of them pull their individual distinction off perfectly, especially when 99.9% of the world could not. It's almost like Seagal feeds off his ponytail to provide awesomeness to the rest of his body. You can even make the argument that the ponytail is the reason why Seagal is so underappreciated. People see the ponytail and probably think someone with a ponytail can't be that awesome. It's the same way in his movies. Bad guys think that they can beat up a guy who has a ponytail, however, inevitably they are the ones who get beat up. Clearly, it's safe to say that Seagal's ponytail has done as much for him as his hit movies have.

When Steven Seagal first entered the film industry, it wasn't as an actor, it was as a martial arts coordinator. The second film he worked under as a coordinator was Never Say Never Again. Sound familiar? It should, this was Sean Connery's last ever film playing James Bond. That's right, Steven Seagal is so awesome that it was necessary for him to teach James Bond, the most awesome spy of all time, how to fight. Obviously, Hollywood recognizes a star when it sees one and it wasn't that long after that Seagal was tapped to star in a movie of his own. Steven Seagal's film debut was in Above the Law, where he played a cop that took down drug dealers, corrupt politicians, and anyone else who tried to mess with him. He beat people up and killed bad guys in brutally awesome ways. It was a recipe for success, since it led to Warner Brothers signing Seagal to star in several action movies for them. The next four movies were huge box office hits and cult classics. In Hard to Kill, Seagal plays a cop investigating the mob. The mob kills his family and puts him into a coma for seven years. When he wakes up, he demands vengeance on the non-awesome criminals who tried to take his life. It is quite evident that bullets and a seven year layoff do not effect his awesomeness, as he manages to get the revenge he was seeking. Hard to Kill really displayed Seagal coming into his own not only as an actor, but his intense, intimidating one liners as well. I loved it when he told the head crime boss, "I'm gonna take you to the bank. To the blood bank!" That line is so awesome, I just got chills typing it out. My second favorite Seagal kill was in also in this movie. In the end of the movie he sticks a billiard cue into some bad guy's jugular. If you think a Seagal kill doesn't get any better than that, please rent Marked for Death. It's too gruesome to type out here, but I will tell you it includes Seagal, a bad guy, a deli, a butcher's knife, and it will make every man wince. If cool deaths don't interest you, then you should check Marked for Death out solely based on the fact its thought of as Seagal's best movie, or as I like to call it, his version of Thriller. The plot involves Seagal taking on a gang of Jamaican drug dealers by himself, displaying his prototypical awesomeness. Out for Justice was a huge hit, and the title of the movie pretty much sums up the plot. You think by now, people would learn not to mess with Seagal, but these people just don't learn theit lesson; don't give Seagal a reason to seek revenge. It's like playing with fire. As great as these movies were, they were all a preface for his biggest action hit.


Someone must have done something non-awesome to deserve this!

Without question, Under Siege was Seagal's biggest hit, even if it may not have been as good as Marked for Death. It grossed over $156.4 million worldwide and made Seagal a bona-fide star. Pretty much everyone and their mama who did see it, experienced his awesomeness for 102 minutes. When a group of mercenaries take over a Navy Battleship, only one man can take back control of the ship, and we know that one man is Seagal. Did I mention that Seagal plays a cook in the movie? A cook! How many cooks can take out an entire team of mercenaries? Sure he played a former Navy SEAL, but the entire fleet on board couldn't stop these mercenaries, yet Seagal, by himself, took them out, one-by-one. That speaks volumes about Seagal's awesomeness. This movie cemented Seagal among Hollywood's elite action stars of the 1990's. What's amazing when you watch this movie is that you know every single bad guy does not stand a chance against Seagal. The success of this movie lead to Seagal's only sequel, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. The plot of the sequel is more or less than the same as the first, except instead of a boat, this takes place on a train. I know what you're thinking, the title Under Siege 2 doesn't make any sense when the movie takes place above water. It doesn't matter though. Seagal still saves the day at the end and displays heroic awesomeness, yet again. Clearly, Seagal is so awesome, that he not only makes a successful movie, but still defeats the bad guys even when the title of the movie doesn't make sense.

In December of 2009, Steven Seagal premiered his own reality tv show, Steven Seagal's Lawman on A+E. It focuses on his work as a Reserve Deputy Chief of the Sheriff's Office in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. When asked why he started the show, Seagal stated "I’ve decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it’s important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana—to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in this post-Katrina environment." 3.6 million viewers were intrigued by this show and decided to check out the premiere, which was the best season opener for any original A+E series ever. Who could blame these 3.6 million people? Chances are they wanted to find out if Seagal is as awesome in real life as he is in his films. Needless to say, of course he is! In one drug bust, none of the cops can find the drugs in the house that they are looking for. Then Seagal starts searching the house, and he finds them easily. He offers up-to-the-second narration to viewers with his smart analysis when he says thinks like, "Once we make a turn on this street, it's going to be immediately in two seconds," or "Drug dealers work in the shadows, for as long as I have been doing this, I try to see in the shadows." Seagal even likes to show his sense of humor with his fellow officers, which allows the viewers to see he can relate to anyone. This was evident when they were talking about Jean Claude Van Damme, and Seagal says, "If he sees me, he runs." All of the officers in the car laughed, and so did I Steven, so did I. It's great to view Steven Seagal in a different light other than what we see in movies. It's even better to identify with what we observe in movies when it happens to be true to life.

There is a reason why Seagal its so believable that he never loses a fight in his movies. He is a seven degree in black belt in Akido, a Japanese form of Martial Arts. He was actually the first foreigner to ever operate an Aikido dojo in Japan. In fact, in the first episode of Lawman that I watched, someone tells Seagal "When I think of martial artis, I think of you." That has to be the biggest compliment ever. Think about other famous martial artists that this guy doesn't think of when he thinks of martial arts: Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Georges St-Pierre, Jackie Chan, Hélio and Carlos Gracie, Daniel-San etc. Seagal trumps them all. Thankfully, if you want more Steven Seagal in your life, he does a lot more than beat people up in movies and television. He helps produce and write many of his movies, has recorded his own album, and is an energy drink entrepreneur. Yes, it's true. Anyone can into a supermarket, buy Steven Seagal's energy drink called Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, feel the power of Seagal and immediately become more awesome. Seagal has said "I have traveled the world creating this drink; there is none better that I know." If Seagal says so, what choice do we have, but to believe him? Seagal also has his own herbal oil product line, and his own aftershave called Scent of Action. The awesomeness doesn't just stop on drinks, so if you smell like garbage, you can instantly smell awesome by investing in Seagal's products. Isn't that why he made them in the first place? To make people more awesome?


Even the most hardened criminal fear this real life deputy.

My uncle once told me that every time any Steven Seagal movie is on television, no matter what point it is during the movie, no matter if he has seen it a million times already, and no matter how much my aunt mocks him, he will watch it until the end. Now, that is a dedicated Steven Seagal fan. However, that's what Seagal does to you. He hooks you in and takes you for the ride of your life. It's almost like he's a real life Jack Bauer. Think about it, both are intense, ruthless, tough, and they both barely break a sweat killing bad guys. That's quite the comparison since everyone loves Jack Bauer. I never would have thought of that two weeks ago, however once I took the time to reintroduce myself to Steven Seagal I came to that realization. There's nothing wrong with spending some time watching a Seagal film or his reality show to reach the same epiphany on how awesome he truly is.

Mark Holton

I know what you’re thinking. Who in the world is Mark Holton? Well you might not know him by name, but you have definitely seen several movies that he was in. Stop me when I mention something you haven’t seen. Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too? Check and check. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure? Check. The Naked Gun? Check. Little Giants? Check. A League of Their Own? Check. Hijacking Hollywood? Che….ehhhhh, no. Time to stop. Let’s face it, no one has ever seen Hijacking Hollywood, not even Mark Holton. The point is that you don’t have to be a household name to make quality movies or just be awesome. Here at The Underappreciated Celebrities Blog, we don’t just talk about celebrities who are hated, or don’t get the props they deserve for being awesome. Sometimes, unknown celebrities need to be discussed to open the world’s eyes to how awesome they. Mark Holton is one of these celebrities. Besides his aforementioned body of work, his roles in these movies, the acting chops he puts on display in his films, and most importantly, the classic, quotable lines he is responsible for, Mark Holton maybe one of the most underappreciated awesome celebrities in show business. Don’t hate him for being awesome.

If you’re not a fan of both Teen Wolf movies, no offense, but you need to take some awesome lessons. Seriously, not since Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, have a movie and its sequel taken the world by storm. Ok, maybe I’m reaching just a bit, but they basically are a surprisingly, awesome and underappreciated set of films. You know the premise; awkward average teenager turns into a werewolf and becomes a superstar athlete and campus hotshot. At first he loves the attention, and then he struggles with it, and then he realizes he needs to just be himself. Once he comes to that epiphany, then he really becomes a true winner. Mark Holton realized that these movies were so great that he knew he had to be both of them. It would have been career suicide not to be in the sequel. Mark played the loveable, affable sidekick Chubbs in both movies. Chubbs has a profound impact on both cult classics, by helping his friend understand that he should be himself. Seriously, who doesn’t love a guy nicknamed Chubbs? That’s a friend that I want to have. That’s a guy who is awesome and is not afraid to accept himself for who he is. Don’t believe me? Let me tell you a story about Chubby’s awesomeness. In the first movie, Chubb’s high school basketball team is in the middle of the state championship. Mick, the main antagonist and star of the rival team, yells at Chubbs who is just holding the ball at center court, “Shoot it fat boy!” Angry, motivated, and inspired, Chubbs heaves the ball up and swishes a three point show. Now not only is “Shoot it fat boy!” a great quote that can be frequently repeated, while never getting old, it serves the purpose of displaying what happens when you anger a character played by Mark Holton; his awesomeness will make you pay.

Chubby isn’t just a fat slob, either. He’s no slouch in the sports world. Besides being the starting center on his high school basketball team, who do go on to win the state championship, he also rules the heavyweight division for his college’s boxing team. Yes in Teen Wolf Too Chubby has moved on to college and is one of the better fighters on the team. He possesses quick feet, an explosive left hand, and a powerful right. In the two fights in the movie he wins both times by a first round knockout. Now seriously, they could have just cast any random hefer to play the role of a guy named Chubbs. However, the producers of the Teen Wolf movies knew they had to hire an actor who not only was a believable enough to play a multi-sport star athlete, but one who was as tough as nails and had a heart of gold. No one could have done this better than Mark Holton, and if you doubt me, just tell him to “Shoot it fat boy,” and watch him rock your world with how awesome he can be.

No one celebrates awesomeness better than Mark Holton.

InPee-wee’s Big Adventure, Holton’s plays the “bad guy” Francis Buxton. We loved him in Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too, but we hated him in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. This show’s a different side of Holton than we saw in the Teen Wolf series, yet Holton still does an awesome job of portraying a character exactly how he is supposed to be portrayed. You know that somebody is a good actor when they can portray totally different types of characters so well, and Holton does this to perfection. He plays Buxton, who may be a grown man, but all he really is, is a spoiled, rich brat. He plays Pee-wee’s neighbor and desperately wants Pee-wee’s beautiful bike for his birthday. Francis tells us “Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.” Pee-wee obviously won’t give it to him, so Francis pays someone to steal the bike for him. Of course, as soon as he has the bike, he doesn’t want it anymore. Again, Holton is responsible for one of the most quotable lines in movie history. As Pee-wee and Francis verbally spar over the bike, (Side note: You can watch it on YouTube here.) Pee-wee angrily tells him, “It’s not for sale FRAN-CIS.” You can say this line in any scenario involving money, and those come up only like 10, 20 million times a week. This quote is so awesome, that you can probably even use it in situations not involving money. Would it be as awesome if it was said to any other actor? Not at all, due to the fact that Holton is so great at playing Pee-wee’s villain. He was the perfect actor to cast against Pee-wee, because they needed someone to be evil, but not scary evil, or even bad evil. He needed to be evil, but also juvenile enough to be Pee-wee’s foil, and Holton is perfect for this. Think about it, who is Pee-wee Herman? He is a nice, goofy, silly man-child that still plays with toys. Who is Francis Buxton? He is an evil, goofy, silly man-child that still plays with toys. They are so similar, yet so different. Balboa vs. Creed, Schwarzenegger vs. Predator, nothing compares to Pee-wee vs. Buxton.

Mark didn’t have as big of a role in the movie The Naked Gun or A League of Their Own as he did in other movies, but he was still awesomely legendary in both of them. He was so awesome, in The Naked Gun that his character’s name was his line in the movie. “Hey it’s Enrico Pallazzo!” he shouts from the stands at a baseball game. As soon as Holton’s character says this, the crowd roars in applause. Maybe it was because they were excited to see Leslie Nielson as the umpire of the game and the singer of the national anthem, but maybe; just maybe, it was also due to the fact that Mark Holton is so awesome that he has that much of an impact on a crowd when he speaks. Also, he appears in only one scene in A League of Their Own , but again that doesn’t lessen his impact in the movie. His plays the grown-up version of Stillwell, the once bratty kid of one of the girls on the baseball team the movie is about. He runs into Geena Davis’ character at the Baseball Hall of Fame, and briefly catches up with her. Davis’ character gets teary-eyed when Stillwell tells him his mother has passed away. This can be attributed to the fact that Holton has underappreciated action skills, because he can be the funny guy, the evil guy, and apparently the serious guy as well, which takes a lot of acting talent to pull off. For Holton to display his serious side in A League of Their Own that’s about as big of an impression that you can possibly have in such a short amount of screen time. Therefore, it’s safe to say that whether Holton is playing a main, supporting, or minor character, he is awesome enough to have an effect any movie and role he is in.

The man literally oozes awesomeness.

While Mark Holton, maybe the first unknown actor in this blog, he won’t be the last. He is the type of unknown celebrity who sets the standard for what it means to be underappreciated. In terms of film, he starred in several cult classics, was responsible for some great quotes, and is extremely versatile in terms of the role he plays. Like I said in the beginning of this post, you might not know him by name, but I am hoping that you do now and you remember who he is. After all, that’s the point of this blog; to make you realize the awesomeness of certain underappreciated celebrities. If that celebrity doesn’t happen to be a house-hold name, he or she should become one due to his or her awesomeness. If this doesn’t define Holton, I don’t know what does. However, what I do know is that his awesomeness should be appreciated by the world. The next time you can, tell someone “Shoot it fat boy!”, “It’s not for sale FRAN-CIS,” or “Hey it’s Enrico Pallazzo!” and people will laugh, giving Mark Holton the appreciation for his awesomeness that he rightfully deserves.