Alanis Morissette is a classic textbook example of a celebrity everyone loves, but no one like to admit it. It's not like people think she isn't talented or hasn't made good songs, but it's the fact they keep this to themselves that's disturbingly odd. Think about it, have you ever met someone who has told you they were an Alanis Morissette fan? Has someone ever told you before that they were going to see Alanis Morissette in concert? Have you ever seen anyone walk around in an Alanis Morissette t-shirt? The answer to these questions are obviously no. Yet everyone and their grandma knows the words to her biggest hit song, "Ironic." If you own an mp3 player, you and I both know you have at least five Alanis Morissette songs on there, and that's an underestimate as far as I am concerned. It's almost like everyone just accepts Alanis, but no one really praises her for how awesome she really is. Alanis Morissette does not deserve to be so underappreciated because she's much more than a guilty pleasure. She happens to be an awesome singer and song writer, a hunk magnet, a role model for women, an inspiration to the world, and the best musician to come from Canada since Bryan Adams.
Everyone knows that Alanis' big break came from her album Jagged Little Pill. When I think of 1996 albums, it's usually that album, Sublime's self-titled CD, and Antichrist Superstar by Marilyn Manson. Those three albums we listened to over and over again on the last day of sixth grade. Even though it's remembered as her most successful and popular album, I don't think people know how big of a hit this album was in terms of its staying power. To this day, Jagged Little Pill is not only the best-selling debut album by a female artist in the U.S., but the highest selling debut album worldwide. This album has been sold over 30 million times. This fact is almost unfathomable. Think about it....Madonna, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Shakira, Whitney Houston....none of them hold a candle Alanis Morissette. That's not just surprising, it's impressive and extremely mad awesome as well. Clearly there was a reason she wound up becoming the youngest person to win a Grammy for Album of the Year, with Jagged Little Pill. This album also won Grammys for Best Rock Album, Best Rock Vocal Performance by a Female, and Best Rock Song. It wound up winning Billboard Magazine's "Album Of The Decade. Morissette's popularity grew significantly in Canada, where Jagged Little Pill was certified twelve times platinum. The album was also a best-seller in Australia and the United Kingdom. Interestingly enough, Jagged Little Pill was not made with the intention of being a hit record. According to this interview with Alanis' publisher, "Prior to the album’s release, our thought was that Jagged Little Pill would hopefully sell 250,000 units, which would give the label and everyone incentive to have Alanis make the next record. But when (L.A. radio station) KROQ started playing ‘You Oughta Know,’ it was a breakthrough that no one had anticipated." Wow, when you make an album with the intention of it being basically a start-up album and it becomes one of the most successful records of all time, that is unreal. This is why when you look up awesome in a thesaurus, Alanis Morissette comes up as a synonym.
None of Alanis' records ever came close to matching the success of Jagged Little Pill. After all, how could they? Her next album, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, had such high expectations, that the record label hoped to sell a million copies of the album during its initial release. Success like that is almost unheard of the music industry. The album did not reach a million copies right away, and had to settle for debuting at number one on the Billboard 200 chart with first-week sales of 469,000 copies. Keep in mind that those 469,000 albums sold was a record at the time, for the highest first-week sales of an album by a female artist. Therefore, for those keeping track at home, the record company expected Alanis to more than double the sales of a record in its opening week. It doesn't get much higher expectations than that. Even though the album was considered a disappointment, partly because it didn't match the success of her previous album, it was still certified four times platinum. In Canada, it won the Juno Award for Best Album and "Thank U", the album's only major international hit single, was nominated for the 2000 Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. Therefore, it wasn't really as bad as it is remembered to be either. Needless to say, even though the rest of her albums weren't as successful as Jagged Little Pill, it doesn't matter much. Has Springsteen made an album that is as good or successful since he released Born In The U.S.A.? Have The Who came out with a good album in the past twenty five years? This is what artists do. They come out with a hit record and fail to live up to it. It's not to say that there other stuff isn't as good, it's just that one mega successful and awesome album is hard to match, and at the same time it gives you a lifetime of fame in the music world.
While Alanis Morissette is pretty, she's not that hot compared to other female celebrities. Almost every pretty female celebrity is a 8, 9 or a 10, so the scale that is used to rate everyday women can't be used on celebrity women; there has to be a different scale for celebrities. On the celebrity hottie scale, where Sarah Jessica Parker is around a 1 and Shakira is a 10, Alanis Morissette is probably around a 6.5, maybe a 7. Which is obviously good, but not great. However, you know she has a great sense of humor because in 1993 she dated Dave Coulier aka Joey Gladstone from Full House. Say what you want about how you hate his famous "Cut it out" line or how annoying his Popeye impersonation is, but the man is a professional stand-up comic, so he has to be funny sometimes. Also keep in mind that in 1993, Full House was one of the most popular shows on television. While Coulier was probably not getting any girl he wanted, he probably had a lot of options. However, it's telling that he decided to settle down with Alanis when he was at the peak of his fame. It truly takes an awesome individual to make a guy settle down at the point in his life, and that's what Alanis did. Eventually, though they broke up and Coulier's career has gone nowhere since. Alanis on the other hand, not only became a mega hit singer, but she also clearly upgraded her choice of boyfriends as well.
From 2002 to 2007, Alanis dated Ryan Reynolds who is consistently listed by several media outlets as one of the best looking male celebrities. (Side Note: Obviously she had other boyfriends in between Coulier and Reynolds, but none worth mentioning, unless you count actor Dash Mihok....Yeah, I didn't think so either.) I remember during this five year period whenever a girl told me how hot they found Reynolds, I always mentioned he was dating Alanis. Her reaction? "Really? Hmmm...interesting." Never "Really? He can do a lot better," or "Really? Her?" or even "Really? What does he see in her?" Even when they were engaged at one point, not a lot of people seemed to know it. I think this speaks volumes about how awesome Alanis is. On looks alone, you would assume Reynolds was way out of her league. Therefore, you have to assume that Alanis has something about her, that is just captivating for a man; kind of like what Mandy Moore has. It could be her charm, her personality, sense of humor, or just general awesomeness. It might not be as strong as Mandy's, but it is definitely there in order to hold Ryan down for five years. Despite that logic, even if you think he is still out of her league, what does that say about Alanis, that he would be with her even when he could do a lot better? Again, it speaks volumes. Five months after they ended their engagement, she started dating an environmental lawyer named Tom Ballanco. The girl rebounds better than Dwight Howard. Wait, you don't think this is an upgrade? Maybe not in the looks or money department, but isn't every girl's dream to date a doctor or a lawyer? And a lawyer who cares about the environment? Now I don't know anything about Tom Ballanco, but I would assume that just based on those two things, he can definitely get more girls than Dave Coulier could. However, he chooses to settle down and be with Alanis and we all know why. He appreciates her awesomeness, so why can't we?
I think one of Alanis' most underappreciated qualities is the effect she has on others. Alanis is credited with influencing such female singers like Shakira, Tracy Bonham, Meredith Brooks, Patti Rothberg, Pink, and fellow Canadian Avril Lavigne. In 2009, Alanis sang "The Star-Spangled Banner" at Game 5 of the World Series at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. Little did she know that when she was singing, Philadelphia Phillies second baseman Chase Utley was so inspired by her awesomeness that in this game he hit two home runs to reach a total of five home runs in the series. By accomplishing this feat, Utley tied a record held by Reggie Jackson. Alanis also performed at the 11th Annual Power to the Peaceful Festival in San Francisco on September 12, 2009 headlined and produced by activist and artist, Michael Franti of Spearhead. Over 60,000 people attended this concert, and over 60,000 people were also reported to have been emotionally, physically, and spiritually moved that day. Alanis inspires not only as an activist, but as world class athlete as well. In the fall of 2009, Morissette ran the Bizz Johnson Trail Marathon in a blazing speed of 4:17:03. By running this race, she helped raise over $3,000 for the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). Three weeks later, she ran the New York City Marathon (November 1, 2009) in 4:28:45. Her time was reported as being slower because so many racers stopped to take pictures with her. Coincidentally enough, most of the people who took pictures with Alanis were wearing an "I'm With Awesome" t-shirt, which had an arrow pointing towards Alanis. I can't make this stuff up, it happens, but it's nowhere close to giving her the appreciation she rightfully deserves.
Maybe, Alanis gets the props she deserves in her native Canada. (Side Note: I'm not sure, since I haven't been to Canada in almost ten years.) As an American, I can't appreciate Alanis the way fellow Canadians do, even if Alanis is a naturalized citizen of the United States and she maintains her Canadian citizenship. After all, there is a reason why in 2005, Morissette was inducted into Canada's Walk of Fame, and not just because almost all of her albums sold better there than they did in any other country. How highly do they think of Alanis in Canada you ask? Well let me put it this way to you.....in Canada we all know hockey is more important than breathing. Therefore, when the Ottawa Senators were in the Stanely Cup Finals, for their first home game they asked Alanis to perform the American and Canadian national anthems in "The Star Spangled Banner" and "O Canada." This had to have been the honor of a lifetime for Alanis. For those of you who don't watch hockey and don't understand how highly Canada thinks of hockey, let me put it to you another way. This is the equivalent of Mike "The Situation" winning a hot body contest at the Jersey Shore, taking the hottest guidette home to his jacuzzi, and having her spend the night, except only 10 billion times bigger. It truly doesn't get any better or bigger than this if you're Canadian. If there was ever a moment in her life were Alanis Morissette felt appreciated for her awesomeness, this was that moment.
Ironically, I haven't mentioned the one thing about Alanis Morissete that displays her awesomeness to perfection. In case you forgot, or never saw the movie, Alanis portrayed God in Dogma, which when you think about it, may be blasphemous, but is incredibly awesome. I mean, how do you cast God? How do you choose someone who whether you're religious or not, or believe in God or not, represents the creator of life? How do you even decide if it should be a man or a woman? Despite all this, Kevin Smith confidently casted Alanis to play God. If that's not a testament to Alanis' awesomeness, I don't know what is. So the next time you hear an Alanis Morissette song being played off your mp3 player, don't skip the song or claim you don't know how that song got on there; sing it loud, sing it proud, and recognize her for her awesomeness whether you are in Canada or not. She certainly deserves it.
